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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24743542">Coming Out is Scary</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/padmoonyfoot/pseuds/padmoonyfoot'>padmoonyfoot</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>#hppridemonth | wolfstars_'s Harry Potter Pride Month, Acceptance, Coming Out, Gay Sirius Black, M/M, Queen (Band) References, Sirius Black &amp; James Potter Friendship</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-06-15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-06-15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 04:21:01</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,690</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24743542</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/padmoonyfoot/pseuds/padmoonyfoot</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Sirius knows he should tell James. He is nearly positive that he will be fine with it, but it's scary coming out.<br/>Of course, James is accepting, but he thinks he can guess who Sirius fancies. That, he hopes, will never be known to anyone.<br/>For week one of @girlwithacrown's hppridemonth! Already posted on tumblr and Instagram, but I'm putting it here, too. :)</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>35</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Coming Out is Scary</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>I hope you enjoy! Just a quick oneshot, but I really enjoyed writing it :)</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Sirius rolled over in bed, yet again, throwing his pillow over his head. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Honestly, Padfoot, why are you still awake?” James groaned from his bed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sirius grumbled as he rolled to his left side, turning his back to the other boy. He flicked his wand to open the window and the summer air entered the room.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Fine, don’t answer me.” He stood to turn the lights on and then flopped onto the floor leaning his back against the side of his own bed. Sirius rolled his eyes as he sat up and threw the covers off, before placing his pillow at the foot of his bed and lying on his stomach to face him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What?!” he asked, irritatingly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t get mad with me, you’re the one pathetically tossing and turning in the most dramatic fashion possible. What’s up with you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sirius looked away from his friend. He needed to tell him, he knew he did. It wasn’t like he was worried that he’d be upset by it - James would </span>
  <em>
    <span>never</span>
  </em>
  <span> let something like that ruin their friendship. Besides, he had been accepting of Remus’ condition, even if it had taken a bit of time. Loyalty was important to him. But it still worried Sirius each and every night. It seemed rather silly to him, getting worked up about something that he didn’t even have to say until he felt it was the right time, but, still. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sirius, I’m not stupid, I can tell something is bothering you,” James said, his eyes softening. “Is it your mum?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What? No!” Sirius snapped. “I’ve moved long past that.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>James didn’t say anything.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Fine… Do you… remember that time when we were all in the dormitory fourth year, listening to the record player?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You know you need to be more specific than that, you spend a lot of time listening to your vinyls.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Vinyl,” Sirius corrected. “No, we were listening to Sheer Heart Attack.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Again, not specific-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m getting to it, Prongs! It was Killer Queen playing, and Pete had found a magazine on them. On, well, Mercury.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah? We were all getting a bit fed up with you listening to it repeatedly, I suppose he wanted to see what the fuss was all about.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Right… Do you remember what he was saying about Freddie Mercury, though?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Not really… I suppose he thought he was a queer… Why?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well… I don’t know,” Sirius breathed. He flopped his head face-down onto his pillow.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If that’s what’s bothering you, I can talk to him? You used to agree, you know?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know, Prongs!” he snapped, again. “Sorry, it’s just…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What is it?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know how to explain it.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>James sat quietly for a moment before speaking, “Is this about Moony?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sirius’ head snapped up to look at him. “What? Why would this be about Moony?” he asked quickly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I dunno, I thought you were suggesting that you thought he was… Nevermind that, then…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Wait, you think Moony is…” Sirius felt his heart pound harder in his chest. He ignored it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I didn’t say that, I just… You don’t?” James asked, confusedly. “Sirius you aren’t being clear what you’re upset about, okay? You can’t be angry with me for guessing if you aren’t telling me anything.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well how can I know if I can trust you?!” he shouted. James’ eyes flashed with hurt.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You don’t trust me? Padfoot, if you’re worried that I’ll tell somebody, just remember for a moment how many secrets of yours and Moony’s that I’ve kept for you both. I trust you with my secrets, don’t I?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know that, Prongs, it’s not that… It’s just…” Sirius trailed off guiltily. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m not going to judge you, if that’s what you’re worried about. Though I am a bit upset you didn’t think you could tell me,” James replied coolly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know, I’m sorry… Fine, I… the thing you thought about Moony… I think I am…” he trailed off, again. James’ eyes widened in understanding, but without disgust. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Really?” he asked curiously. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Change your mind about judging me?” Sirius asked sarcastically as he looked at his fingernails.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, Padfoot. It’s okay.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was Sirius’ turn to be surprised. “Really? I would rather bloody make out with a bloke and you’re ‘okay’ with it?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’d rather me be upset by it?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sirius didn’t answer. At least he knew what to do if James stopped being friends with him. He knew how to argue, he knew what abandonment was like. Acceptance was still a new idea.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Listen, you and I both know what the wizarding world thinks of it. I don’t know about the Muggle world, but judging by what we’ve seen from the magazines and newspaper clippings, even Bowie and Mercury aren’t exactly praised by everyone for acting and looking… yeah… But you’re my best mate, and I’m not going to let something like the prejudice of our society get in the way of our friendship,” James explained. He was still leaning against the side of his bed, and Sirius was now sitting up on his, listening intently. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was rather overwhelming, to be completely honest. “Thanks, mate,” he whispered, and though it was brief, they both knew how meaningful it really was.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alright, now, tell me who,” James said excitedly, greatly lightening the mood of the room. Sirius stared at him. “You know exactly what I’m referring to. There’s no way you could have just figured this out without there having been a guy. Your gay sexual </span>
  <em>
    <span>awakening</span>
  </em>
  <span>-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, shove off Prongs,” Sirius groaned, hitting him with his pillow. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m waiting!” James laughed, speaking in a sing-songy voice.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, Mr. ‘I’ve-only-fancied-one-girl-ever,’ I am, unfortunately, unable to tell you,” he joked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why not?!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Because it is a </span>
  <em>
    <span>secret</span>
  </em>
  <span>.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You can tell me!” James pleaded.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Can not,” he argued. The image of Remus quickly flashed in his mind - he pushed it back down. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is it… me?” James asked slowly. Somehow, Sirius expected this.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What?! No! Gross!” he retorted. Luckily, the disgust was so evident on his face that James just laughed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Godric, okay… There’s a bloke, though, correct?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sirius rolled his eyes. “Yes, Prongs… there’s a bloke. Now, off to bed!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nice try. Is he in our year, then?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sirius stared at him. “Maybe…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Great… Which house? Not Slytherin, I hope?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What do you take me for?!” Sirius asked jokingly. “Of course not. Now, that’s all I’m going to let you know.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“As if. Okay, instinct tells me you aren’t one for Ravenclaws.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s that supposed to mean? He could be a Ravenclaw!” Sirius crossed his arms. The lie was clearly obvious. Sirius knew enough of them to be fully confident in the belief that he and a Ravenclaw would not get on well. Hell, just speaking to Gilderoy Lockhart twice ruined the entire house for him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s not a Ravenclaw then… Mate, you’ve already had me rule it down to like ten guys in our entire year…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Again, Sirius felt a bit of fear weave through him, but calmed a bit knowing that James still didn’t know him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What does he look like then?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I never thought I’d ever say such a thing, but how about we talk about your object of affection?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And I never thought I’d say no, but here we are. Merlin, Padfoot, you’re stubborn.” Sirius rolled his eyes at that - they all knew that James was the most stubborn out of the four of them. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So if it’s not me… Forgive me for assuming that it’s not Pete,” he said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hell, no!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Lovely, now we’ve narrowed it down even more.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you sure </span>
  <em>
    <span>you</span>
  </em>
  <span> shouldn’t be a Slytherin?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How dare you?!” Sirius avoided James’ swing of his pillow at him. “I am just </span>
  <em>
    <span>clever</span>
  </em>
  <span>, thank you…” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Right…” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Start describing him!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why do you care so much?!” he asked nervously. It was a bit odd to him that not only was he receiving acceptance but inquiries about his romantic attractions. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, I’ve clearly messed up when trying to set you up with all the girls at school, so I want to help you </span>
  <em>
    <span>actually</span>
  </em>
  <span> get a real date.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Prongs, really? I appreciate it, but I can’t date him, okay? He doesn’t even know that I’m… you know… and I’m not going to tell him.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Aha!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What?!” he replied quickly. Did he say too much? Surely, he couldn’t have?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You don’t even speak to that many Hufflepuff blokes! You definitely aren’t close with any...” James winked at him as Sirius groaned again, throwing his head into his arms dramatically.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I didn’t say that I was close with him! He just knows enough about - stop laughing at me!” Sirius whined. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Mate, I know who it is!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, you don’t,” Sirius said defensively (and humorlessly).</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course I do! It’s so obvious to me, now!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>How?!</span>
  </em>
  <span>” he cried. “You didn’t even know about it twenty minutes ago!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, guess you won’t be able to say that, anymore!” he said, proud of himself for his ability to see something others could not. All seriousness returned, though, at the look on his friend’s face. “Hey, I don’t care, remember?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Just say it, then. Guess who it is and then I’ll be honest.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is it… Is it Moony?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sirius looked away before just deciding to admit it. “Yeah,” he breathed quietly before flopping onto his face again. Neither said anything for a while. Sirius could tell James was trying to decide what he could possibly say next.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m not going to tell you that he’s come out to me, because he hasn’t… but you remember what I said at the beginning of this…” he spoke slowly, placing a supportive hand on his shoulder.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Prongs, I appreciate it, I really do, but there’s no chance, okay? I’d prefer you to just forget this and move on with our lives.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>James didn’t reply again, he only looked at his friend empathetically, frowning slightly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I suppose we can talk about that later. But, mate? Thank you for telling me. I know it must be difficult to share something like that.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sirius smiled. “Thank you for not being weird about it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No problem. Now… I believe you mentioned talking about Evans, so…”</span>
</p>
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